Seeking Out Joy and Awe (Even When You Really Don't Feel Like It)

Phosis: Conversation & Community for Women in Peri / Menopause

Recently, I fell into a bit of a funk spurred mostly by perimenopause-related insomnia. It’s infuriating to be following protocols for deep sleep and still stare at the ceiling between two and four a.m.

The lack of sleep coupled with the responsibilities of starting a business, being single mom and keeping a watchful eye on my own mother as she navigates aging has kicked up some lingering anxiety, too. Most days, I have an overwhelming sense that I’m never going to get everything done, no matter how much I accomplish in a day. It’s a lot to manage, and it’s easy to feel like a failure.

I’m typically a positive person, but I share all of this because if you’re a woman in your 40s or 50s, there’s a good chance you’ve felt this way too. This is a period in life where family and career pressures can be at their greatest, and on top of that, four in 10 women experience PMS-like mood changes in perimenopause. Clinical anxiety and depression are common, too. (Quick PSA: If your symptoms become overwhelming or are interfering with everyday life, please do seek help from a therapist or a menopause-informed PCP, OBGYN, or psychiatrist. The North American Menopause Society keeps a list of such healthcare providers here.)

I am grateful for my decades-long yoga practice that helps keep me grounded and centered, but even that isn’t enough some days. “Self-care” as an antidote to anxiety comes up often in the menosphere, but I was craving more actionable ideas with longer-lasting results than, say, taking a bath with a scented candle.

One sleepless night, the research rabbit hole brought me to a cutting-edge concept in emotion research called a “daily sense of awe” and how it can help calm the hamster wheel in your brain, quiet negative self-talk, and leave you feeling better able to cope with daily life thanks to it’s positive effect on “happy hormones” like dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin.

What is awe and how is it different from gratitude?

Awe is that feeling when you experience an event that reminds you that you’re part of something vast, something bigger than yourself. Sure, this can be a dramatic life event like witnessing the total solar eclipse next week, seeing a child take their first steps, your first trip to Paris, or peering down into the Grand Canyon. But according to researchers (and meditation teachers!), the daily practice of seeking out something powerfully beautiful, astonishing, bemusing, or marvelous can help you find and experience the benefits of awe in smaller moments.

While a gratitude practice often catalogs lovely things after the fact, awe is all about being 100% present in the moment. Sometimes it’s subtle, but when awe strikes I can feel the happy hormones bubbling up, setting me up for more joyous days and more peaceful nights.

Some examples of everyday awe in recent memory:

• Last week, I noticed a spectacular waterfall (above) while hiking with a friend, and it gave me a lasting sense of serenity. (Most people don’t realize that there are plenty of waterfalls in Arkansas, but there are enough that an entire book was written about them.)

• Witnessing the riot of color from the azaleas and dogwoods blooming at the moment

• Two swarms of bees

• A unexpected dinner with my kids at a new restaurant

• A meme texted from a friend 

• Sharing the joy with my daughter after she found the perfect dress for prom

  

• Seeing Phoebe, my elderly rescue Chiweenie, pretend to be a Great Dane on our morning walks.

What’s awesome in your life?

My curiosity and ongoing search for awe inspire me to keep writing about ways to find joy and happiness in your 40s, 50s, and beyond. I’d love to learn from the Phosis community, so please head to the comments to share what’s been boosting your mood. I’ll share the answers in a future newsletter. In the meantime, here’s a movement snack to perk you up in two minutes or less: 

This Week’s Movement Snack

Last week, I mentioned being leashed to my desk and Zoom calls a little bit more than I’d like. If that sounds like you, it’s amazing how much a short break for movement can help both your body and mind feel a little bit happier and more energized. In case you missed it, I shared a short upper body sequence that really helps with mid-day back, shoulder, and neck stiffness. This week is all about stretching those hip flexors, hamstrings, and quads to help manage achy joints and muscles. Questions? Please drop them in the comment section below.

Cheers to looking and feeling your best, 

Susan

Susan Campbell
Founder and CEO, Phosis