"Menopause and Anger Toward Husband"

Why 2,000 Women a Month Google This Phrase

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Auguste Toulmouche’s 1866 masterpiece The Reluctant Bride recently captured the internet’s attention and sparked a conversation about how anger is depicted in art.

Your inbox is likely already full of Valentine’s Day gift guides, so here at Phosis, we decided to approach the topic of romance and relationships just a little bit differently this week. In a recent team brainstorm, our SEO guru uncovered a startling but somewhat hilarious fact: About two thousand women a month google the phrase “menopause and anger towards husband”. The four of us on the call — all women in our 40s — shared a knowing laugh. Not because it’s funny exactly, but because we could all relate to the particular brand of moodiness perimenopause and menopause can bring.

One team member told us that her husband recently confessed that he tracks her cycle on his phone so he can predict the days he needs to choose his words more gingerly. Another admitted feeling irrationally angry about little things her partner does — like the fact that he lost eight pounds doing Dry January (rude!), or that he forgets to take his earbuds out while she’s talking to him, or that he splashes water everywhere while rinsing chicken breasts in the sink before cooking them (ew!), or that he keeps a paper planner instead of using the family Google calendar (unforgivable).

The Hormonal Storm: Why Small Things Feel Big

Even though it makes for comedic anecdotes, “perimenopause rage” is a real symptom. In fact, 70% of women tout anger and irritability as their top complaints during this hormonal shift. The culprit is unpredictable estrogen and progesterone fluctuations, both of which affect the neurotransmitters in the brain that regulate mood.

And then there’s testosterone. We often associate it with men, but it also plays a role in emotional balance and libido in women. As it decreases, so can patience, motivation, and sexual desire. This cocktail of changes can make minor annoyances feel unbearable.

The Mental Load, Midlife Transitions, and the “Good Girl” Hormones

Beyond biology, perimenopause is a phase of life where many women feel stretched thin. You might be managing a career, aging parents, household responsibilities, and (depending on when you had your kids) babies, teens, or kids in college.

I remember having coffee with a friend who was furious that her husband had the nerve to take a nap on a Sunday afternoon while she was racing between grocery shopping, laundry, and helping their daughter with a school project. “Why does he get to just exist?” she fumed. Though I raised my kids as a single mom, I nodded in solidarity. What felt manageable before might now feel like an infuriating lack of support when combined with the discomfort of other symptoms like hot flashes, joint pain, and insomnia.

Food for thought: I often wonder if estrogen serves as a kind of relationship lubricant — it encourages empathy, connection, and nurturing behavior. When its levels fluctuate wildly, it makes sense that the instinct to smooth things over, put others first, and tolerate frustrations might diminish. This can be a good thing — a welcome change — depending on the context of the relationship, of course. (Sometimes you may feel the need to go full TOWANDA, but we are not actually recommending that.)

Coping Strategies for Irritability

Partnered or not — these strategies can work for anyone in a relationship with another human being.

Communicate and Reevaluate
Rather than dismissing your irritability as just hormones, consider if it’s highlighting real imbalances. If you’re carrying the bulk of emotional or household labor, it might be time to renegotiate responsibilities. This includes asking your kids for more help around the house if they are not already doing so.

Prioritize Sleep and Blood Sugar Balance
Lack of sleep and blood sugar swings can make irritability worse. Stabilizing blood sugar by eating fiber, protein, and healthy fats at every meal and focusing on sleep hygiene can help regulate mood. A good night of sleep has never not improved my mood the next day.

Get on the Same Page
Encourage anyone important in your life to read up on perimenopause and menopause so they can better understand what’s happening in your world. It would have been unthinkable for my mother to share these kinds of intimate details with her family back in the day, but my kids know exactly what I’m going through. I’m grateful for their support, and that we can all laugh about my brain fog moments together.

Ask Your Doctor About Supplements or HRT
For some women, lifestyle changes alone aren’t enough. Magnesium, omega-3s, and adaptogens may support mood regulation. Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) can also help stabilize estrogen and progesterone levels for women suffering from extreme symptoms. If you are struggling, please stop reading this newsletter right now, and go make an appointment with your doctor. There are several choices available for women to consider, including both hormonal and non-hormonal options, that are only offered by your physician.

Create Space for Yourself
Easier said than done, I KNOW, but a walk alone, a weekend away, or even a calming bath can help reset your nervous system. A dear friend of mine swears by what she calls “marriage-saving solo time” — an hour alone every evening with a book and a closed door. And while an entire weekend away sounds lovely, my reality does not usually include these kinds of escapes. Instead, I love doing a short Movement Snack when the people in my life are getting on my last nerve. Here’s a favorite that serves the dual purpose of combatting the effects of sitting AND calming my brain when I feel that familiar crankiness creep in.

If you’ve read this far, thank you! Would you consider re-stacking this week’s newsletter along with your favorite coping strategy if you have one? (Or your person’s most egregious habit if not … haha.)

Cheers to looking and feeling your best,

Susan

Susan Campbell
Founder and CEO, Phosis